God’s got jokes! My entire life the one thing I was most certain about is that I wanted to be a mom. Not just any mom, I wanted to be a boy mom. I’m not a girly girl, I don’t know the first thing about getting my nails done or why you don’t wear white after labor day. Honestly, I don’t really care either. My luck, if I were to have a daughter she would be the girliest girl ever. Nope. I struggled for many, many, many years to have a baby. Thousands and thousands of dollars spent on fertility treatments, surgeries, tests, you name it. The official diagnosis? Unexplained infertility. I was told by numerous physicians that I would never live my dream of becoming a mom. I told myself that once I turned the ripe old age of 40 I would stop trying to have a baby and just concentrate on my life. Well, as luck would have it I got divorced and that whole concentrating on myself thing just happened a few years sooner than 40. For the first time in my life I concentrated on me and only me. I went back to school, I started working out with a trainer, I changed my diet, I lost almost 100 pounds! i was the healthiest I had ever been in my entire life. And most of all I was happy. Cue in the next candidate. I met my son’s father during this time and although was NOT interested in a relationship he kept pursuing me. He just wouldn’t take a hint. Then one night I started talking to him because I was bored I guess and he asked me out and i finally said yes. Almost a year later I naturally conceived my son. And when i say God’s got jokes? I delivered my son less than one month before my 40th birthday. My cut off date for having a baby. On March 9, 2018 at 0811 weighing in at 7 pounds and 1 oz and not breathing, that boy gave me my first parental scare. His lips and face were blue and he was struggling to breathe. They took my baby out of the OR and straight to the NICU. I then looked at my doctor who yelled for the anesthesiologist to put me out. I woke up later to my doctor (and very good friend) sitting in a chair across from my bed. Head in his hand. I looked at him and he looked up at me relieved to see me awake. I then said to him “Why the hell did you have my ass knocked out?!” He looked at me and said “Because I know your stubborn ass would have crawled off that table after that baby that’s why!” That’s true love and true friendship right there. He was right though. I would have. But unbeknownst my knowledge as they were whisking my baby away he was urgently trying to control my bleeding. I was hemorrhaging and losing a lot of blood. I required several blood transfusions during my stay. That boy is my miracle. My biggest blessing. My biggest blessing and ball of sarcasm and wit. He is his mother AND his father. We are so screwed. He is my entire world and then some. Even though things between his dad and I did not work out, I will always hold a special place in my heart for him for giving me the little boy I have always dreamt of.
